When I look at my own social life and the experiences of my male friends, a clear pattern emerges: our meetups are frequently activity centric. Whether it’s watching the Formula One, attending a football match, the activity is the central focus of the time spent together.

In these settings, we often sit side-by-side, focused outward on the event. While these moments are important for shared experience, they can often preclude us from engaging in truly meaningful conversation. Our body language isn’t always responsive, and deep, consistent eye contact is rare.

Why does this matter?

These “opposite-one-another” types of engaged conversations (where we can read each other’s body language and offer undivided attention) are deeply important. They are the bedrock for establishing and maintaining the deep, essential connections that are vital for our overall mental health and sense of well-being.

The Coffee Challenge

This month, I have been challenging myself to spend time with the men in my life in a face-to-face, low-distraction meeting style. Think: meeting a friend for a coffee, going out for a meal, or simply sitting in a quiet place to chat.

A few days ago, for instance, I went out for dinner with my brother, Jack. Without the backdrop of a major event, the conversation flowed differently. We both spoke afterward about the increased quality of our time spent together that evening, it felt more honest and connective.

Next, I’m building on this by having a dedicated board-game night with some good friends. While there is an activity, the focus is still on being around a table, face-to-face, with breaks between turns for genuine dialogue.

The change isn’t about abandoning our activities; we all need those too! It’s about consciously adding more time where the connection is the activity.

A Call to Action

To the men reading this: I implore you to try the same.

· Instead of just watching the game at your mate’s place, suggest meeting for a coffee an hour before.

· Suggest a simple dinner with a friend you usually only see in a group setting.

· Take a walk together where the only goal is conversation.

It takes a moment of conscious courage to suggest a different kind of catch-up, but the strength of the connection you build will be its own reward.

“It takes immense strength to break the silence and share your struggles with someone you trust.” – Hugh Jackman

This Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s start stepping out of the sidelines and into the seats across the table. Let’s make space for those meaningful, face-to-face conversations that genuinely nourish our minds.

 

If You need support, Access Wellbeing offers person-centred support for anyone aged 18 and over, providing early help to prevent concerns from escalating.

New community drop-in services are currently open in the following spaces, in North Dorset in the following areas. Blandford (Leisure Centre), Blandford (Connect Centre), Gillingham (Riversmeet), Gillingham (Citizens Advice), Shaftesbury, Sherborne, Sturminster Newton