Becoming Charlotte: Three Years in Transition
Introduction
In some of my previous blog entries, I have started with a song reference that holds significance with the events of the last year. This year is no exception:
“We’re not gonna sit in silence; we’re not going to live in fear.”
I have reached a stage in my transition where time appears to have stood still, but at the same time it has flown past. I am about to start my fourth year of transition, I cannot quite believe how many amazing experiences I have had, and how many amazing people I have met.
I continue to feel more at peace in my own skin, a testament to the on-going medical treatment, and just feeling settled in myself. The gender euphoria is incredible, and quite literally the stuff of my dreams.
Part I: Time time time, see what’s become of me
It seems so long ago, but also like it was yesterday when I was signing and witnessing my deed polls in February 2022. At the time all of the aspects of transition I wanted to achieve, whether social, legal or medical all seemed so far away. It was like having to climb a mountain, but I had broken everything down into stages to make the process easier to plan and navigate. Rebuilding every aspect of your life is incredibly complicated, and something 99% of the population will likely never have to navigate.
This past year, the last stages of social and legal transition have come to their conclusion, which is a relief given the complexity & bureaucracy that comes with some of the processes.
A recent significant milestone in my journey came when I decided to update my ID again with new photos, because my appearance has changed so much in the last three years. In between laser, electrolysis, hormones, hair and makeup – I look so different, and I love what I see when I look at myself in the mirror every day now.
There is still a long way to go, but it is amazing how far I have come in the last year, how much has changed. Transition has been the greatest act of self-care and self-love I could have ever done.
Looking back I have realised that my journey of self-discovery goes back so much further than I had previously given myself credit for. Back when I was so ashamed of showing my true self, I did a good job of masking things, not just to others, but to myself. It is only when I set myself free, that I could finally start to unpack the memories, and realised just how much I disassociated with what was going on, my life, my body, none of it felt like mine back then.
Fortunately things have changed so much since then, I have experienced some incredible moments:
- Social outings with friends, the kind I never got to have as a teenager
- Pride! It is so empowering finding your community!
- Gender Euphoria, which is something that never gets old
- Career success and progression
Part II: Bumps in the road
Sometimes I do have down days, bad days and sad days. These can be incredibly intense. Additionally, if you are feeling down, and inadvertently see an article or headline where a member of your community was brutally attacked or politicians are trying to invalidate you, and legislate you out of existence – this can send anyone into a moment of despair or sadness, which can spiral.
Knowing that there are people who genuinely want to erase you from existence is frankly terrifying. At times like that, I think about how far I have come, where I am going, and most importantly that I will not let bigots control the narrative of my life. I have value, I am beautiful, and I will succeed.
To protect myself, I have had to moderate and cut-out most mainstream media. The degree of toxicity and manipulation of the truth is frankly horrific.
Part III: The future…
In the last three years, I have achieved so much. Sometimes it is easy to forget just how much ground has been covered, whether that is social & legal transition, medical transition, and living life in general. Transition has enabled me and liberated me to actually live my life, find my community, and enjoy the best years of my life.
As time has gone by, I have re-remembered memories from my childhood and teenage years, and I have realised just how much I was masking from a young age.
There are lots of exciting things that lay ahead, and despite the struggles of the past – I am looking forward to my future, making my mark on the world, and all of the amazing people I have yet to meet.
Overall, three years on…
A long time ago, I started having dreams of living my life as a woman. Now I am living that dream! Dreams can come true, it takes a lot of work, internal soul-searching, growth and self-acceptance before you can show yourself to the world, especially when there are those in the world who want to make it impossible for you to exist.
The Trans community is incredibly resilient! History documents moments in time where the Trans community stood up and said we are not going to take this any-more!
I am the author of my life! No one else is in control!
To my trans sisters, brothers and non-binary siblings – You are valid!
Trans rights are Human rights!
Support References
Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust – NHS Gender Identity Clinic (London) – Waiting times
NHS Specialised Services Circular 1620
Primary Care Responsibilities in Prescribing and Monitoring Hormone Therapy for Transgender and Non-Binary Adults (updated)
NHS Specialised Services Circular 1826
Primary Care Responsibilities In Regard To Requests by Private On-Line Medical Service Providers to Prescribe Hormone Treatments for Transgender People
Help and Support
Dorset Mind offers group support that can also help with your wellbeing. The charity’s groups offer peer support. They help to reduce stigma by normalising conversations about mental health. You can also check out further support for stress and mental health here.
You’ll find links for 1-2-1 and groups of mental health support we offer here.
If you’re in a crisis, treat it as an emergency. Call 999 immediately or The Samaritans, FREE on 116 123. NHS Dorset’s Helpline ‘Connection’ can be reached on 0800 652 0190. It’s also available 24/7.
Today’s Guest Blogger
Thank you once again to Charlotte, for her open and honest account of three years since announcing her transition to the world – and becoming her true self as Charlotte.
Read Charlotte’s first blog, The Transition: Becoming Charlotte.
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