I hated PE in school. The kind where I’d see it on my timetable and feel sick as I tried to pack my horrible trainers around my textbooks.  

I really thought I was just lazy but as it turns out, I, and probably many other 13-year-olds, don’t really like being shouted at for not running fast enough. Sports day was enough to make me (unsuccessfully) fake a cold in a bid to stay at home. I hated the team spirit of it all – why should we be praised for how fast we can pass a baton?  

It just didn’t make sense to me. I would rather have found myself a sunny spot under a tree, read a book, and let the kids who were actually quite good at sports run laps around the field. It was largely down to teenage stubbornness. It wasn’t that I was bad at sports, I spent a few years doing gymnastics and trampolining, and could have probably cartwheeled my way across the field.  

Hindsight

Looking back on it now, I empathise with myself. It wasn’t fun. Having left school, I suddenly found myself with buckets of free time and decided maybe I’d give the gym a go.  

I hated it.  

It wasn’t until I was 20 that I finally began to find some enjoyment from the gym. I was super focused, goal oriented, and made it my mission to limit calories and push myself with cardio. I was undeniably motivated to become toned to the tune of some of the other women in the gym. Perfectly chiselled and sculpted by Davina herself.  

Instead, I found myself with brain fog bad enough to cause me to get on the wrong bus multiple times (true story). I had virtually no energy, and quite frankly, I felt awful.  

Shifting focus 

Moving forward to this year, I decided to shift my focus towards favouring my mental health instead of solely trying to lose weight. I started off by building up my cardio skills, and in the process, discovered how well the treadmill seems to help me de-stress.  

Weight training was a daunting prospect for me, and if I’m honest, sometimes it still is. I was petrified of being surrounded by men in the free weights area who clearly knew I was a complete amateur – except none of them care, one bit.  

It’s so hard to pretend you’re invisible. There is no right or wrong way to exercise (but please seek advice from a trainer or someone at the gym for an induction before you begin), which is a helpful thought as I often struggle with the very unhelpful thought that I could always be doing more, with no regard for how exhausted I get.  

Benefitting

Changing my focus from physical improvement towards mental wellbeing has made my gym sessions far more productive. I feel as though I’m building myself up positively as opposed to pushing myself to a breaking point, and being able to see progress is really encouraging. On top of this, I can see an increase in self-esteem – and I have more energy. I can think clearer.

 And, I haven’t had to flail around a field in football shorts 🙂

 Support for you: 

• Visit dorsetmind.uk for local mental health support and ways to keep mentally healthy 
• Mind has an article on physical activity and mental health you might find useful 
• Call Samaritans for free 24/7 emotional support on 116 123 
• Call Dorset’s helpline ‘Connection,’ for 24/7 mental health support on NHS 111