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The transition: becoming Charlotte

The Journey: A Blog/Diary Story of a pre-transition transition

When one of my best friends asked me if I would be interested in writing a blog about my experience for LGBTQ+ history month, at first I was hesitant. But then I thought, if I could write something that someone else can relate to, it might just help them by demonstrating that they are not alone.

I am a Transgender woman on countdown to coming out and beginning my social transition. I’m still 19 in my head, for the 13th year running so I’m actually 32.

My journey began 8-9 years ago. I remember lying awake at night thinking “I want to be a girl”. At the time I didn’t know how to process this, and I thought I was just confused. I had dreams where years passed between seeing friends, and I showed up as a girl. I didn’t realize it at the time, deep down – I wanted those dreams to be real.

6 years ago I decided to dress and act how I wanted. I started shopping in the women’s section, soon super skinny high rise jeans; knee high boots & colourful tops took over my wardrobe. I started growing my hair out, and I began adopting feminine mannerisms. Interestingly women’s clothes fit my figure so much better.

I tried to get rid of my facial hair, with no luck. I experimented with epilating & waxing my body. The feeling of smooth skin was something I craved and desperately want. I hate my beard so much.

At the time I didn’t realize, but looking back, these are all affirmations of the girl I am at soul. Every step I took in the feminine direction, I felt so much happier, and wanted more.

The beginning of transition

For years I have not identified as male. But I was always afraid of making the transition. I think all Trans people know this fear, the fear of how my friends and family would respond, fear of rejection, or possibly worse.

I am disappointed that I did not start transitioning back then, but my mental health was not good at the time, and I was living with depression.

In autumn last year, I’d gotten a new job that was going great. I was in the best place I have been for a very long time, possibly the best I have ever been in my adult life. From this position, I felt able to open up about my gender identity to my best friend. She fully supported me within the first steps in my transition. I cannot thank her enough.

Telling my family seriously scared me, but luckily for me, my parents and siblings all took the news better than I expected. I was surprised by how my father was not surprised by the news. My mother is fully supportive, but she is grieving losing her youngest son. At the same time, she will now gain a daughter.

My closest friends are not surprised by the news and are fully supportive of me. I am so happy that the responses have been so positive; full of love, acceptance and support of the true me.

It’s great that my employer is also supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. I have their full support and there are even guidance documents to help.

I know when I will start the documentation process. Within the next few months I will have a definitive date for coming out. I am so excited for what is to come. Some of the girls at work are as excited as I am, as there will be another girl on the team.

The gender clinic

I plan on starting the medical transition in the private sector and moving under the NHS when the NHS appointments come around. This seems to be fairly common among transgender people. I’ve picked the Harley Street Gender Clinic, and I’ve planned my social transition. I have a massive list with all the details of what to do. Unfortunately, my GP advised me of the incredibly long NHS waiting times and that it was worth evaluating private clinics.

The waiting list for the Harley Street gender clinic re-opens in April, and I could get an appointment in September, instead of the 3- 5 years (or more) for the NHS. I might have both appointments this year, and maybe, just maybe I will have started HRT this time next year. That is a really exciting prospect.

In preparation I started laser hair removal and practicing make-up. I’ve found make-up a lot of fun, especially with all of the different looks I can try. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do!

I would like to fast forward to the point where I’ve been on HRT for years, my face & body is free from hair and my body shape has been feminised. I know I can’t skip forward; this is an important part of my journey to become the best and truest version of me.

HRT will take 2-3 years to reach full effects. It is a second puberty after all.

The ultimate end-game will be gender reassignment surgery. It is not for everyone, but it is what I want. It will be a long journey to get there. But when I am finished, I will be the best and true version of me.

What am I excited about most of all with this journey? Being the real me.

Charlotte x

Our guest blogger:

Huge thanks to our blogger Charlotte – and congratulations on your incredible story and officially identifying as Charlotte. What a journey!

Get help

If you are struggling to cope with your mental health or any of the issues Charlotte has mentioned here, please talk to your GP. You can also check out our support for LGBT+ Communities and mental health.

If you’re in a crisis, treat it as an emergency – call 999 or The Samaritans, FREE on 116 123. 

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